Amusing review of noted country music artiste Kenny G

Earnest Bovine · Post by **Earnest Bovine** » 17 Mar 2000 10:52 pm

Review of a Kenny G concert from The Other Paper, Columbus, Ohio, by John Petric.

"Getting Down With The Milquetoast Maestro" by John Petric

A whole lotta people paid a whole lotta money to witness a whole lotta meaningless breathing exercises done through a musical snorkel Saturday night at the Columbus Convention Center. Kenny G - the mayor of mayonnaise music, the milquetoast maestro, the woodwind weasel - played his saxophone to roughly 5000 people at $25 per head. That adds up to a $150,000 gross and boy, gross it was. G is the latest and most successful instrumentalist with a slight jazz pedigree to hit the big time. However, in G's case, it's with an authenticity so questionable he may as well document it with a fancy diploma from somephony offshore jazz school in the middle of the Caribbean. Even Zamfir comes with better jazz credentials. Ornamental romantic themes ruled the night's jazz lite hell. Goopy, chimey electric piano usually introduced his tunes, G's wimpy soprano sax then laid down a melody fit for a lovesick poodle on Prozac. If Holiday Inn motel art could come to musical life, it would sound like G's "Forever in Love" or "Sister Rose" or "Sentimental," all horrible crap from "Breathless," his bezillion-selling album on Arista. The Thin White Duke of Puke's solos were the color of air. His improvisations improved none at all as the long night dragged on. His chops consisted almost entirely of pyrotechnic finger exercises and obnoxious minutes-long sustains that had the crowd whooping and hollering. Sadly though, the long-winded G has all the fiery jazz imagination of, say, Richard Clayderman, the French dude. (He's French, for crissakes, need I say more?) After the G-weasel committed atrocity after atrocity in the name of jazz,pulling tunes off his seven-album catalog, the question remained. Why is this weenie doing so well? Opener Peabo Bryson joined G for a song in the middle of the headliner's set. It was the best part of the show.
--

Pat Jenkins · Post by **Pat Jenkins** » 18 Mar 2000 6:22 am

Ernie, I get the distinct feeling this fellow doesn't like Kenny or his cute sister Sally...Sally G.....Pat

Mike Dennis · Post by **Mike Dennis** » 18 Mar 2000 6:31 am

I'd agree... very boring... no soul in his style at all.

Earl Erb · Post by **Earl Erb** » 18 Mar 2000 7:56 am

When you have heard one song by Kenny G you've heard everything he can do...very boring.I never cared for him that much because he plays too much.You know the old saying...its not how many notes you play,but what notes you play that count.Just because a guy has chops that can play 100 notes a second is not a jazzer,just an exercise freak.Of course the general tin earred public doesn't know that and that might be one reason he is so successful.

I forgot to mention...I love sax,but the soprano sax after about three minutes is as annoying to me as a clarinet.

<FONT SIZE=1 COLOR="#8e236b"><p align=CENTER>[This message was edited by Earl Erb on 18 March 2000 at 08:01 AM.]</p></FONT>

Earnest Bovine · Post by **Earnest Bovine** » 18 Mar 2000 5:16 pm

Whatever you think of Kenny G, you've gotta admit the guy who wrote that is an artist with his word processor. "Milquetoast maestro" and "The Thin White Duke of Puke's solos were the color of air" indeed!

Slim Lattimer · Post by **Slim Lattimer** » 19 Mar 2000 11:57 pm

Back in December, exiting a Doctor's office while Kenny G's "Aulde Lang Syne" was playing for the 447th time that day, I reminded my mother that we hate Kenny G, "and Michael Bolton" she replied.

Chris DeBarge · Post by **Chris DeBarge** » 22 Mar 2000 10:41 am

What does Kenny G say when he rides in an elevator?

"Man, this place rocks!"

Groan at will...

Steve England · Post by **Steve England** » 22 Mar 2000 11:40 am

Ahh Micheal Bolton and his nasty Fabio lookalike haircut. Slim, your Mother sounds like one okay lady