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Bill Groner


From:
QUAKERTOWN, PA
Post  Posted 10 Dec 2020 11:32 am    
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CAUTION : Don't over think this ... it will drive you nuts!





1. If a bottle of poison reaches its expiration date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W in English called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

7. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims"

8. 100 years ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

Four great confusions still unresolved:
1. At a movie theater, which arm rest is yours?

2. If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?

3. Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?

4. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?

Vagaries of English Language:
1- Ever wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?

2- Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?

3- How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?

4- If money doesn't grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?

5- If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?

6- How do you get off a non-stop Flight?

7- Why are goods sent by ship called CARgo and those sent by truck SHIPment?

8- Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the Cupboard?

9- Why do doctors 'practice' medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?

10- Why is it called 'Rush Hour' when traffic moves at its slowest then?

11- How come Noses run and Feet smell?

12- Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one?

13- What are you vacating when you go on a vacation?

14- Did you know that if you have What, When and Where and then replace the "W's" with T's the questions are answered?
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Currently own, 6 Gronertone lap steels, and one GronerCaster.
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Jeff Garden


From:
Center Sandwich, New Hampshire, USA
Post  Posted 10 Dec 2020 1:09 pm    
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Whoa...my head hurts thinking about these, Bill.

And at some point I hope Dr. Science can help me with a question that has troubled me for years: How does a Thermos know whether to keep things hot or cold???

Also what does the expression "It's all downhill from here" mean? Is it easy sledding now and the hard part is over or does it mean things are deteriorating rapidly and "going South"?
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Don R Brown


From:
Rochester, New York, USA
Post  Posted 10 Dec 2020 3:52 pm    
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Bill, I have been driving my wife nuts just tossing those out one at a time and walking back out of the room. Laughing

Jeff, your question prompts me to ponder whether, when things are bad, the folks in Australia or Argentina say "Everything is going north".
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Rick Barnhart


From:
Arizona, USA
Post  Posted 10 Dec 2020 5:27 pm    
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...like using an alcohol swab to sterilize a lethal injection site.
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Craig Stock


From:
Westfield, NJ USA
Post  Posted 11 Dec 2020 4:48 am    
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Racecar backwards is still racecar.

I asked Lucky Oceans "When you flush the toilet in Australia, does it swirl in the oposite direction?"

Still waiting to hear back.
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I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet.

Today is tomorrow's Good ol' days
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Bill McCloskey

 

Post  Posted 11 Dec 2020 5:44 am    
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Craig, i believe it does swirl in the opposite direction.

My question is “what is the speed of dark?”
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Roy Carroll


From:
North of a Round Rock
Post  Posted 11 Dec 2020 6:04 am    
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If money doesn't grow on trees, I guess you never owned a lumber yard!
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Bill Groner


From:
QUAKERTOWN, PA
Post  Posted 11 Dec 2020 6:33 am    
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Craig Stock wrote:
Racecar backwards is still racecar.

I asked Lucky Oceans "When you flush the toilet in Australia, does it swirl in the oposite direction?"

Still waiting to hear back.


Yes it goes the other way. But then they also drive on the opposite side of the road.
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Currently own, 6 Gronertone lap steels, and one GronerCaster.
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Jeff Garden


From:
Center Sandwich, New Hampshire, USA
Post  Posted 11 Dec 2020 8:32 am    
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So if you're opening a bottle of Australian wine, do you need a lefthanded corkscrew?
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Brooks Montgomery


From:
Idaho, USA
Post  Posted 11 Dec 2020 9:34 am    
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Jeff Garden wrote:
So if you're opening a bottle of Australian wine, do you need a lefthanded corkscrew?


and when you've imbibed too much Australian wine, do you get the spins in the opposite direction?
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A banjo, like a pet monkey, seems like a good idea at first.
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Bill Groner


From:
QUAKERTOWN, PA
Post  Posted 11 Dec 2020 9:58 am    
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Personally I never cared which way the room spun. Shortly after it spun, I was bent over the hopper watching the water swirl. Trust me, when it got to that point I didn't care what direction the water was swirling either. Embarassed
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Currently own, 6 Gronertone lap steels, and one GronerCaster.
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Brooks Montgomery


From:
Idaho, USA
Post  Posted 11 Dec 2020 10:30 am    
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Bill Groner wrote:
Personally I never cared which way the room spun. Shortly after it spun, I was bent over the hopper watching the water swirl. Trust me, when it got to that point I didn't care what direction the water was swirling either. Embarassed


I suppose a raw bacon sandwich dipped in pickle juice wouldn't have helped the situation Laughing
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A banjo, like a pet monkey, seems like a good idea at first.
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Jim Fogle


From:
North Carolina, Winston-Salem, USA
Post  Posted 11 Dec 2020 12:39 pm    
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Why does a store open 24/7 have door locks?

Why are scissors and pants singular?
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Remembering Harold Fogle (1945-1999) Brother - Pedal Steel Player
Dell laptop Win 10, i3, 8GB, 480GB
2021 BiaB UltraPlus PAK
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Bill McCloskey

 

Post  Posted 11 Dec 2020 12:53 pm    
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I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

-Stephen Wright
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Brooks Montgomery


From:
Idaho, USA
Post  Posted 11 Dec 2020 2:20 pm    
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Jim Fogle wrote:
Why does a store open 24/7 have door locks?


The M&M Bar in Butte,MT, one of my favorites, never had locks for years. . . .
https://mtstandard.com/news/local/the-m-m-no-locks-on-the-doors-other-bar-tales/article_1125c1e3-796b-5722-a936-155d012a63be.html
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A banjo, like a pet monkey, seems like a good idea at first.
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Tommy Allison

 

From:
Transfer, Pennsylvania, USA
Post  Posted 12 Dec 2020 12:05 pm    
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If it were possible to drive my car faster than the speed of light, what would happen if I turned the headlights on?
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Brooks Montgomery


From:
Idaho, USA
Post  Posted 12 Dec 2020 1:35 pm    
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Tommy Allison wrote:
If it were possible to drive my car faster than the speed of light, what would happen if I turned the headlights on?

It would be like hitting a brick wall, and you’d go thru the windshield.
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A banjo, like a pet monkey, seems like a good idea at first.
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