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Post new topic Pillsbury Death Rulled Suspicious, Under Investigation
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Author Topic:  Pillsbury Death Rulled Suspicious, Under Investigation
Mac Lloyd


From:
St. George, Utah
Post  Posted 11 Oct 1999 12:28 am    
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UPI News / Suspicious Pillsbury Death Under Investigation

Judge pushed for jury selection.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - Pillsbury President Paul Walsh, claims he was in a jam. Grilled from District Attorneys, and news media shortly after the death of Doughboy, Pillsbury spokesman and showman extraordinary, earlier this week.

The Doughboy was America's most famous spokesman, who sadly lost the crown temporarily to the California Raisins but snatched it back this the following year.

His show career spanned the '60's when he helped Marsha Brady in the kitchen. In the '80's he played air guitar. The '90's he fell into a bad crowd later becoming a rap star.

There was little doubt his career was falling. He really kneaded a better break, a little more dough, network executives failed to see the end coming, and tried to butter him up too late. Underneath it all the little guy really knew he was toast.

President Walsh tried to defend their story, by using some floury words but Mr. Burns of the DA's office raised some sticky questions.

Burns, trite reply was simply that he thought the Pillsbury death looks suspicious. According to the obituary notice, the funeral was in the afternoon of the day he died. Yet the family had time to invite a lot of celebrities, who all made an appearance at the funeral. Some choosing to hide in cupboards rather than being interviewed. Others just sitting on the kitchen table. Jemima’s comments could get her from the frying pan into the fire. Although Butterworth is a smooth talker, the more she pours it on the stickier it can get.

We'll fry 'em all if they don't talk, Burns blurted out!

Clearly a media cover-up, the press release quoted Mr. Doughboy at age 71. Yet Pillsbury finds his records began in 1965. Although he had a raw career, choosing to sew wild oats, eating brownies, cookies and turnovers. It was a tough mix. Near the end he would just stand and call with that blank look on his face for "More Nuts". A real sad thing to watch happening to a dear friend, it was added.... Doughboy was not well as many of you have known. He was just beside himself. Many time he was all tied in knots. What a guy always had us laughing.

He had a dark-side, you may recall he performed complicated escape illusions that rivaled the great Harry Houdini. Doughboy would allow himself to be sealed into a round container and stay refrigerated for days at a time, before his assistant would rap the side of the container only to find Doughboy would pop out, and land on a hot greased pan, apparantly unscathed.

The litigatants will argue, to what extent his contract agreement effected his health.

The chief factor still remains, what really caused Doughboys untimely death?

That constant fear of people sticking their unwashed fingers into his stomach. This could open a multi million dollar question if it goes to trial.

It has been reported on several occasions Doughy would come rolling back to the room just moaning. "How long do all my fans think I can keep this up? One day I am going to bust that damn finger right off!"

District Attorneys became even more suspicious when the cause of death was reported as yeast infection, because men seldom are affected by such symptoms.
The half baked attempt to cremate the body the same day as the death occured Raised fresh ideas although, the icing on the cake was when the DA attended the funeral, only to see the widow with a companion who had his hand on her buns

It appears that Mr. Burns would like to have the Pillsbury Widow Indicted for Murder.


Prosecuting attorney, Fluffmuffin stated:
If found guilty. She could face time in Leavenworth. We kneed her there, that's the bottom line. We will let her on the stand, to see if she will raise to the occasion, if she does we will beat her back down. When she can't raise again, we'll fry her. We will find which side her bread is buttered on.

When ever I have gotten into a jam, it seems my collegues are always trying to spread it on thick. They are always trying to eat my lunch. All I'm saying is those Twinkies better not come by. The last thing THIS court needs is Twinkies.

Full details on jury selection and defense strategies will be updated from our in the field specialists.

[This message was edited by Mac Lloyd on 10-11-99]

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Pat Burns


From:
Branchville, N.J. USA
Post  Posted 11 Oct 1999 6:29 am    
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Reporters questioning The Widow Pilsbury received this reply as she left the Pittsburg D.A.'s office with her attorney, Johnny Cakewalk; "I have a Teflon-coated alibi. They'll never make this stick. I was with my sister, PAM". Asked if he would play the race card, Cakewalk responded ryely, "Mrs. Fresh' brown-bred background is common knowledge. This is a white-bread community, we don't believe we can get an impartial jury here. We're asking for a change of venue, perhaps to a military community. I've contacted General Mills".

[This message was edited by Pat Burns on 10-11-99]

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Kenny Dail


From:
Kinston, N.C. R.I.P.
Post  Posted 11 Oct 1999 12:04 pm    
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I knew eventually something like this would happen to him. He always was a 'mixed' up kid and everytime he made an appearance he had a big wad of 'dough'. Hope they find the culprit that did it.

------------------
kd...and the beat goes on...



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John Gretzinger


From:
Canoga Park, CA
Post  Posted 13 Oct 1999 10:37 am    
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Just give it time to pan out. The widow kneeds sometime alone, although I really doubt that she'll find anyone to fill his mould.

I wonder how her kids will take the news of his long records of rising in strange houses all across the globe?

His daughter Tupper received the news on her way to the prom. Even with the burning pain of her fater's crumbling life, everyone wants to know, what will tupperwear? The burned out black, or a fresh baked brown?

One oossible theory for Pop N. Fresh's death:
His time was up. He was just burned out.

P.S. little known fact: being catholic, he went to the oven with the hopes of rising again...
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Kenny Dail


From:
Kinston, N.C. R.I.P.
Post  Posted 13 Oct 1999 12:23 pm    
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I understand from further investigation that he may have gotten a yeast infection because he was unable to rise to the occasion.

------------------
kd...and the beat goes on...



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Steve Allison


From:
Eatonton,Ga. U.S.A.
Post  Posted 15 Oct 1999 5:09 am    
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I felt the Knead to get off my Lard a$$
and and go put Flours on the grave!
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Mike Perlowin


From:
Los Angeles CA
Post  Posted 15 Oct 1999 6:32 am    
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Seriously, did you guys know that the Pillsbury Dough Boy was created by a steel guitarist? It's true. Poppin' Fresh is the creation of our own Sneaky Pete Kleinow. To us he's Sneaky Pete. To the animation industry he's Peter Kleinow, one of their top animators. He also desigened the walking skeleton from The Terminator.

[This message was edited by Mike Perlowin on 10-15-99]

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Mac Lloyd


From:
St. George, Utah
Post  Posted 16 Oct 1999 1:54 pm    
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That's pretty cool!

I guess if were not careful here we might have a REAL suit going.

[This message was edited by Mac Lloyd on 10-16-99]

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