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Author Topic:  Doctor, Doctor!
Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post  Posted 25 Jul 2019 7:00 pm    
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A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
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Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post  Posted 25 Jul 2019 7:04 pm    
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The nurse stepped back into the doctor's office and said, "There is a man in the waiting room that says he's invisible. What do I tell him?"

The doctor says "Tell him I can't see him today."
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Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post  Posted 25 Jul 2019 7:06 pm    
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Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.

Teller: You certainly do. This is a bank.
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Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post  Posted 25 Jul 2019 7:08 pm    
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A man walked into a doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his right ear, and a banana in his left ear.

"What's wrong with me, Doc?" he asked.

The doctor took one glance and pronounced, "You're not eating properly!"
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Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post  Posted 25 Jul 2019 7:10 pm    
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A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was passing gas because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what medicine you gave me, but now my gas, although still silent, smells terrible."

The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
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Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post  Posted 25 Jul 2019 7:19 pm    
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A woman is losing her hair and goes to the doctor. He says there's a brand new male hormone from Australia available that works, but not approved for use in the US. She arranges for a delivery from a friend she met on the Internet. Two weeks later, the friend in Oz asks how it's working. "Great so far." she replied "But it makes my testicles itch."
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Michael Sheehan


From:
Everett, Washington, USA - Heading back to Florida 2021
Post  Posted 25 Jul 2019 7:20 pm    
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I am going to steal these for work! Laughing
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Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post  Posted 25 Jul 2019 7:27 pm    
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A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man replies "Not BAAAAD!"
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Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post  Posted 25 Jul 2019 7:31 pm    
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A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
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Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post  Posted 25 Jul 2019 8:04 pm    
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Click Here
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Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post  Posted 25 Jul 2019 8:19 pm    
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Buddy Hackett - A Guy Goes to the Doctor

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Tom T Taylor


From:
Methven,NEW ZEALAND
Post  Posted 26 Jul 2019 12:44 am    
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Doctor, Doctor, I’ve got trouble making friends, you bald, fat nincampoop
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'78 LDG.Peavey Classic 50, Laney 250BC ,Fender basses
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Charlie McDonald


From:
out of the blue
Post  Posted 26 Jul 2019 2:15 am    
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Stop it! You're killing me! I have to go to the doctor!
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Rubato is the extra space between notes when you're trying to remember the next note. -- Andy Volk
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Butch Mullen


From:
North Carolina, USA 28681
Post  Posted 26 Jul 2019 6:50 am    
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Woman goes to the doctor. Doctor I have a problem. I can't seem to make friends and men don't want to go out with me. OK, I think I know what your problem is. Take off your clothes and walk over to that corner, bend over and look back at me through your legs. Just as I suspected, you have Zackly disease. Your face looks zackly like you a--.
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Jim Cooley


From:
The 'Ville, Texas, USA
Post  Posted 26 Jul 2019 8:42 am    
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A man walked into the doctor's office with a frog on his head. The doctor said, "Where did that come from?" The frog said, "Would you believe it started out as a wart on my butt?"
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Larry Rafferty


From:
Ballston Spa, NY
Post  Posted 26 Jul 2019 11:23 am    
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Old lady goes to doctor and says "Doc, my crotch is so sore and chafed I can hardly walk."
Doc tells her to get up on table and to pull her dress up. He takes a large pair of scissors and starts cutting.
When done he tells her to stand up and walk around.
She does and says "Doc, all the soreness is gone and
I feel wonderful. What did you do?"
He replies "I cut the top 2 inches off your boots.
_________________
Mullen D-10 8x5; Sho-Bud Super Pro D10 8x6; PedalMaster 5 Star SD-10 3x5; Dekley D-10 8x4;
Sho-Bud S-10 3x1; Fender Lap/Floor Steel; Peavey Power Slide; Supro Lap Steel; Peavey Nashville 400;
pair of Peavey Vegas 400's; Peavey NV112; Webb 614E with matching extension cabinet; Fender Twin Reverb and 3 cats.

They laughed when I sat down to play, cause' somebody pulled my chair away...
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Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post  Posted 26 Jul 2019 6:54 pm    
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Doctor doctor, I feel like a carrot
• Don't get yourself in a stew

Doctor doctor, I've swallowed my pocket money
• Take this and we'll see if there's any change in the morning

Doctor doctor, what happened to that man who fell into the circular saw and had the whole left side of his body cut away?
• He's all right now

Doctor doctor, I'm at death's door!
• Don't worry, we'll soon pull you through

Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of wigwams
• The problem is, you've become too tense

Doctor, doctor I’m addicted to brake fluid
• Nonsense man, you can stop anytime

Doctor doctor, my spouse is so ill, is there no hope?
• It depends what you are hoping for

Doctor doctor, What can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar?
• I find that very hard to believe

Doctor, doctor I've broken my arm in two places
• Hmm, I'd advise you not to go back to either of those places then

Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog
• Sit on the couch and we will talk about it
But I'm not allowed up on the couch

Doctor doctor I've a strawberry stuck in my ear!
• Don't worry, I've some cream for that

Doctor doctor every time I stand up quickly, I see Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy
• How long have you been getting these Disney spells?
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Godfrey Arthur


From:
3rd Rock
Post  Posted 27 Jul 2019 11:30 am    
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_________________
ShoBud The Pro 1
YES it's my REAL NAME!
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Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post  Posted 2 Aug 2019 5:03 pm    
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The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said: "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
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Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post  Posted 2 Aug 2019 5:09 pm    
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An elderly couple is going to their doctor for a checkup. The man goes in first. "How're you doing?" asks the doctor. "Pretty good," answers the old man. "I'm eating well, and I'm still in control of my bowels and bladder. In fact, when I get up at night to pee, the good Lord turns the light on for me."

The doctor decides not to comment on that last statement, and goes into the next room to check on the man's wife. "How're you feeling?" he asks. "I'm doing well," answers the old woman. "I still have lots of energy and I'm not feeling any pain." The doctor says, "That's nice. It sounds like you and your husband are both doing well.

One thing though - your husband said that when he gets up to pee at night, the good Lord turns the light on for him. Do you have any idea what he means?"

"Oh no," says the woman, "He's peeing in the refrigerator again."

Shocked
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