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Author Topic:  Favorite Rodney Dangerfield, Suitable for Forum
Michael Sheehan


From:
Everett, Washington, USA - Heading back to Florida 2021
Post  Posted 25 May 2019 4:16 pm    
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“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”

Top that one 😅
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Godfrey Arthur


From:
3rd Rock
Post  Posted 25 May 2019 11:16 pm    
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Michael Sheehan


From:
Everett, Washington, USA - Heading back to Florida 2021
Post  Posted 26 May 2019 10:30 am    
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That one's classic too! Laughing
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Kenneth Caine


From:
Pennsylvania, USA
Post  Posted 26 May 2019 5:11 pm    
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I met the Surgeon General once, he offered me a cigarette.
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Doug Beaumier


From:
Northampton, MA
Post  Posted 26 May 2019 5:18 pm    
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I bought a used car and found my wife's bra in the back seat. 😳
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Last edited by Doug Beaumier on 27 May 2019 8:05 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Michael Sheehan


From:
Everett, Washington, USA - Heading back to Florida 2021
Post  Posted 26 May 2019 6:01 pm    
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“The other day my wife met me at the front door wearing nothing but a sexy negligee; she was just coming home.”
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Joe Breeden


From:
Virginia, USA
Post  Posted 26 May 2019 7:58 pm     Big route
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I moved from California to Virginia and still had the same milk man. They don't have routes that big, do they?
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Michael Sheehan


From:
Everett, Washington, USA - Heading back to Florida 2021
Post  Posted 27 May 2019 8:34 am    
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"I told my kid, 'someday you'll have kids of your own.' He said, 'so will you.'"
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Jerry Overstreet


From:
Louisville Ky
Post  Posted 27 May 2019 9:26 am    
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Jerry Overstreet wrote:
I called the Suicide Help Line.....they hung up on me.

I called Dial-A-Prayer.....they told me to go to hell.

:Dangerfield:


I love Rodney's jokes. This one has to be my favorite though. Let me know if you think it's too irreverent and I'll remove it.
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Joey Ace


From:
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Post  Posted 27 May 2019 9:46 am    
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I asked my dad how to fly a kite.
He said, "Hold it like this and run off the cliff."
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Michael Sheehan


From:
Everett, Washington, USA - Heading back to Florida 2021
Post  Posted 27 May 2019 10:03 am    
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Laughing If it's not a little irreverent, it wouldn't be funny Laughing

Lots of good ones here!
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Brooks Montgomery


From:
Idaho, USA
Post  Posted 27 May 2019 10:53 am    
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“Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.”
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Andy Volk


From:
Boston, MA
Post  Posted 27 May 2019 12:24 pm    
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My brother crashed in a helicopter. I said, what happened? He said, I got cold so I turned off the fan.
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Jeff Garden


From:
Center Sandwich, New Hampshire, USA
Post  Posted 27 May 2019 1:49 pm    
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My wife always liked to talk when she's having sex - now she phones me from the hotel...
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Doug Beaumier


From:
Northampton, MA
Post  Posted 27 May 2019 8:03 pm    
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car... and she wants me to drive.

My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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Tony Prior


From:
Charlotte NC..
Post  Posted 28 May 2019 12:45 am    
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Rodney is the best ever !


My wife isn’t very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, “Did you see the guy that did it?” She said, “No, but I got the license plate.”




My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday



My wife bought me a cremation for when I die, my appointment is next Tuesday .
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Andy Volk


From:
Boston, MA
Post  Posted 28 May 2019 5:13 am    
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My wife made me a steak. It still had marks where the jockey was hitting it.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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Jeff Garden


From:
Center Sandwich, New Hampshire, USA
Post  Posted 28 May 2019 5:28 am    
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I got lost when I was little and ran up to a cop for help. I told him I couldn't find my parents and he said "Hmm that's a tough one - there's so many places they could be hiding!"
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Bill McCloskey


Post  Posted 28 May 2019 5:45 am    
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I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.
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Doug Beaumier


From:
Northampton, MA
Post  Posted 28 May 2019 5:57 am    
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I just finished my first book. Pretty soon I’m gonna read another.
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Michael Sheehan


From:
Everett, Washington, USA - Heading back to Florida 2021
Post  Posted 28 May 2019 6:02 am    
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Laughing

These are great!

I was thinking of a Henny Youngman quote, so not a Rodney:

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
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Michael Sheehan


From:
Everett, Washington, USA - Heading back to Florida 2021
Post  Posted 28 May 2019 6:04 am    
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Back to Rodney:
“Yeah I know my wife fools around. The only thing the parrot can say is ‘quick, out the window!’”
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Godfrey Arthur


From:
3rd Rock
Post  Posted 28 May 2019 10:26 pm    
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Michael Sheehan wrote:

I was thinking of a Henny Youngman quote, so not a Rodney:



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YES it's my REAL NAME!
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Scott Duckworth


From:
Etowah, TN Western Foothills of the Smokies
Post  Posted 29 May 2019 2:09 am    
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I don't get no respect...
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Amateur Radio Operator NA4IT (Extra)
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I may, in fact, be nuts. However, I am screwed onto the right bolt... Jesus!
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John Peay


From:
Cumming, Georgia USA
Post  Posted 31 May 2019 12:05 pm     Rodney...
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Boy was I scared the first time I had sex...I was all alone!


I called my doctor and told him I'd just taken two bottles of sleeping pills. He told me to have a couple of drinks and get some rest.
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