What are the dumbest lyrics ever written?

Dave Van Allen · Post by **Dave Van Allen** » 23 Apr 2003 6:24 pm

"s.w.l.a.b.r." or "white room" by cream - Pete Brown was a lyric writin fool!

Leslie Ehrlich · Post by **Leslie Ehrlich** » 24 Apr 2003 12:11 am

I've heard so many songs with dumb lyrics there's some stiff competition out there as to which is the dumbest. If I had to choose, one of the first that comes to my mind is 'Undercover Angel' by Alan O'Day.

IMHO, subject matter is everything when lyrics are written, and songs that don't have much to say aren't worth listening to unless the lyrics are set to a real catchy tune. I think Jay Ferguson's 'Thunder Island' has inane lyrics, yet the tune is awesome.

By the way, does anyone know who does the song 'Gimme A Redneck Girl'? Now there's a song with DUMB lyrics!

Mike Perlowin RIP · Post by **Mike Perlowin RIP** » 24 Apr 2003 3:00 am

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly, I'm crying.
Sitting on the cornflake waiting for the van to come.
Corporation tea shirt, stupid bloody tuesday,
Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.

I am the egg-man, they are the egg-men,
I am the walrus, goo goo a' joob.

Mr. City p'liceman sitting pretty little p'liceman in a row.
See how they fly like Lucy in the sky, see how they run, I'm crying.
Yellow matter custard dripping from the dead dog's eye.
Crabalocker fishwife pornographic priestess.
Boy, you been a naughty girl, you let your knickers down.

I am the egg-man, they are the egg-men,
I am the walrus, goo goo a' joob.

Sitting in the English garden waiting for the sun.
If the sun don't come you get a tan from standing in the English rain.

I am the egg-man, they are the egg-men,
I am the walrus, goo goo g' joob, g' goo goo g' joob.

Expert texpert choking smokers don't you think the joker
laughts at you?
See how they smile like pigs in a sty, see how they snied, I'm crying.
Semolina pilchards climbing up the Eiffel Tower.
Element'ry penguin singing Hare Krishna.
Man, you should have seen the kicking Edgar Allan Poe.

I am the egg-man, they are the egg-men,
I am the walrus, goo goo g' joob, g' goo goo g' joob.

David Reeves · Post by **David Reeves** » 24 Apr 2003 4:30 am

Aqualung

Sitting on a park bench --
eyeing ittle girls with bad intent.
Snot running down his nose --
greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes.
Drying in the cold sun --
Watching as the frilly panties run.
Feeling like a dead duck --
spitting out pieces of his broken luck.

Sun streaking cold --
an old man wandering lonely.
Taking time
the only way he knows.
Leg hurting bad,
as he bends to pick a dog-end --
he goes down to the bog
and warms his feet.

Feeling alone --
the army's up the rode
salvation à la mode and
a cup of tea.
Aqualung my friend --
don't start away uneasy
you poor old sod, you see, it's only me.
Do you still remember
December's foggy freeze --
when the ice that
clings on to your beard is
screaming agony.
And you snatch your rattling last breaths
with deep-sea-diver sounds,
and the flowers bloom like
madness in the spring.

Jim Cohen · Post by **Jim Cohen** » 24 Apr 2003 4:58 am

"He bends to pick a dog-end"???
Eeeuuuuwwww!!

Steve Stallings · Post by **Steve Stallings** » 24 Apr 2003 5:17 am

jeez....

you guys are picking on all my favorite songs!

"Man, this ain't my day tonite"

Peter Siegel · Post by **Peter Siegel** » 24 Apr 2003 1:40 pm

Off the charts, but still in our hearts:

my baby does the hanky panky
my baby does the hanky panky
my baby does the hanky panky
my baby does the hanky panky
my baby does the hanky panky
my baby does the hanky panky
my baby does the hanky panky

or,

crimson and clover
over and over
crimson and clover
over and over
crimson and clover
over and over
crimson and clover
over and over

or

I want candy
I want candy
I want candy
I want candy

or

McArthur park is melting in the dark
All the sweet green icing pouring down
Someone left a cake out in the rain
And I think I'll have to fake it
Cause I don't think I can make it
For I'll never find that recipe again
OH NO.....

Jody Carver · Post by **Jody Carver** » 24 Apr 2003 4:14 pm

ABBA DABBA HONEYMOON

This is about a Monkey & a Chimpanzee who are in love.

Comes with sound effects..ever hear an intimate moment between a Monkey & a Chimp?

I did,,I played the part of the Monkey on
Steel Guitar..the session paid "peanuts:

no kidding,,,this was a big hit back when..I used Dave Van Allens Fender T&V
pedal.

King Kong.. edited..the Gorilla was the contractor on the date.

[This message was edited by Jody Carver on 24 April 2003 at 06:17 PM.]

Paul Graupp · Post by **Paul Graupp** » 2 May 2003 3:40 pm

Did we forget:

Honey, I ban thankin'
You ain't much fun since I quit drinkin....

Regards, Paul

Eric West · Post by **Eric West** » 2 May 2003 5:21 pm

Or maybe..

"Yes Yes I admit...(stupid triple drum flam)

I got a thinkin' problem.

EJL

R. L. Jones · Post by **R. L. Jones** » 4 May 2003 8:07 pm

Marzy doats and Doezy doats and little lambsy Divey,, A kid`lley divy too wouldnt you

Ernie Renn · Post by **Ernie Renn** » 5 May 2003 12:20 pm

And what's up with the Oak Ridge Boys singing:

I'm gonna love your sight away.

------------------
My best,
Ernie

The Official Buddy Emmons Website
www.buddyemmons.com

Eric West · Post by **Eric West** » 5 May 2003 2:43 pm

"So we made a thoroughfare for freedom and her train, Sixty miles of latitude, three hundred to the main;

Treason fled before us, for resistance was in vain While we were marching through Georgia."

I don't remember any historical mention of a rail line being built....

Steve G? Help me out here...

(ducks..)

ROF....

John Steele (deceased) · Post by **John Steele (deceased)** » 5 May 2003 5:27 pm

Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care,
Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care,
We built this city on rock and roll,
Something, something, something....
-Homer Simpson

Jimmy Dale · Post by **Jimmy Dale** » 5 May 2003 9:49 pm

Come on guys you're pickin' on one of my favorite World War 2 era diddies in " Mares eat oats, and Does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy, a kidd'l eat ivy too wouldn't you ?
However, after reading some of your posts, I tend to think " You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd " or " You can't take a shower in a parakeet cage " has a new and serious meaning. Jim Miller, I'D RATHER BE STEELIN'

Matt Brydges · Post by **Matt Brydges** » 6 May 2003 5:44 pm

Well, David Lee Roth has always been pretty good at writing/doing stupid stuff. There are probably hundreds of examples but a couple come to mind...

CHORUS from "Black Light"

"I have a black light,
it makes her radiant,
I love my black light,
My gal's florescent."

and in an effort to sound computer literate in another tune:??

"Baby baby what's your favourite (web) page?
I'm gonna Fax you into the Atom Age."

Believe me, that's just scratching the surface.

Matt

David Cobb · Post by **David Cobb** » 6 May 2003 5:47 pm

Good Morning Star Shine performed by Oliver from the rock opera Hair
Good morning, starshine, the earth says, "Hello"
You twinkle above us, we twinkle below
Good morning, starshine, you lead us along
My love and me as we sing our early morning singing song
Gliddy, glup, gloopy
Nibby nabby noopy
La, la , lo lo
Sabba sibby sabba
Nooby abba nabba
Le, le, lo lo
Tooby ooby walla
Nooby abba nabba
Early morning singing song......
and so on and so forth
For all the goofy lyrics, it's a fun, feel good ditty from days of peace and free love.[This message was edited by David Cobb on 01 July 2004 at 09:09 AM.]

Chip Fossa · Post by **Chip Fossa** » 6 May 2003 9:45 pm

Gee Mike,
Me and a pally were cruising around last weekend, and my truck has no radio/cassette
player- ie - NOTHING -

So we started to think of obscure songs
by, not only the Beatles, but other groups,
you know.......we are singing to ourselves...
accapello......Dan harmonizes pretty well.
He's originally from Georgia, and can keep up with the Everly's with conviction.....

Anyway.., and I mean this, Dan says to me,
do you know "THE EGGMAN"?

And I said, yes Dan, I think I do. Do you mean the one by the Beatles, or Perry Como?

So Dan is part of my band, and the "Duke" [lead guitar] and Aldo [vocals, acoustic guitar] are in the band, but are not with us
right now, cuz I wish they were.

He are me and "Dan the Man" trying to, not only remember the somewhat melody [what melody?] and lyrics to this Beatles classic,
but trying, also to figure where the rythym
lies.

And Mike.......thanks so much for the, uh,
real lyrics.

Ole' Dan hasn't seen this yet, so this will
be a big hit.

Chipper[This message was edited by CHIP FOSSA on 06 May 2003 at 10:47 PM.][This message was edited by CHIP FOSSA on 06 May 2003 at 11:01 PM.]

Dave Van Allen · Post by **Dave Van Allen** » 8 May 2003 5:57 pm

"me think something smell fishy-fishy
something besides my shrimp lo-mein"
George Jones "The Poor Chinee"

"Billy broke my heart at Walgreens
and I cried all the way to Sears"
Ruby Wright (Kitty Wells' daughter) Pete Drake played the "talking steel guitar" and sang/played the above phrase as the turnaround.

"I'm so sad and blue in the graveyard
with six feet of dirt overhead
the green grass is growing above me
this is the first time that I've been dead
You once used to give me your kisses
but also to somebody new
it happened oncet too often
now I am in my coffin
'cause I died all over you

I died all over you
Halelujah
yes I died all over you
I'm dressed fit to kill
but I'm layin' mighty still
'cause I died all over you"

Bud Messner & His Skyline Boys

Paul Graupp · Post by **Paul Graupp** » 9 May 2003 2:57 pm

Really old from Red Foley and Ernest Tubb:

I told some friends the facts
about your income tax

You're a real good friend

Who did you tell it to
Internal Revenue

You're a real good friend

And Eddy Arnold had some lyrics from Seven Years With The Wrong Woman that went something like:

When you've married the wrong woman
There's nothing you can do
Except dig a hole
and pull the ground in over you.....

Regards, Paul[This message was edited by Paul Graupp on 09 May 2003 at 04:00 PM.]

Red Kilby · Post by **Red Kilby** » 9 May 2003 9:32 pm

Don't tell my heart, my ACHEY BREAKEY HEART

This is the ultimate dumb famous song of all time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roger Rettig · Post by **Roger Rettig** » 17 May 2003 6:45 am

R L Jones is the second contributor to misquote (or misspell) that lyric.

It should be:

'Mares eat oats and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy...'

This, I think, elevates the song to one of the more sensible songs quoted in this 'thread'.

I see that the Beatles have been cited twice - I can't quite believe they've been criticised on this Forum. I thought the Fab Four were above reproach here!

RR

Gene Jones · Post by **Gene Jones** » 17 May 2003 7:58 am

.....quote...I thought the Fab Four were above reproach here!....

Especially since they put me out of work as a steel player for about 4 years........and I had to play bass in the interim......

Gene
www.genejones.com

Emmett Roch · Post by **Emmett Roch** » 25 May 2003 10:13 am

Hank Thompson had one to the effect of "I've been erased from the black board of your heart"...

------------------
___________________
GFI S-12 extended E9

Eric West · Post by **Eric West** » 25 May 2003 12:31 pm

THIS has GOT to top it...

I heard it last night on some obscure AM station...

It makes Winchester Cathedral, Tie me Kangaroo Down Sport, Achey Brealy Heart, Seasons In the Sun, and Hooray for Hazel seem like Wagnerian Epochs..

Albert Flasher
The Guess Who
Words and music by Burton Cummings

- peaked at #29 in 1971

I was a workshop owner in the gulch for the people
And I offered myself to the world
I was a workshop owner
I was a workshop owner

I was a diesel fixer, fixed a diesel, diesel fixed me
What a weasel
And baby was a workshop owner
Baby was a workshop owner

Baby and me were ripe for the pickin'
That was the day we ran into Albert Flasher

It was a cold, snowy, rainy afternoon
And we were sittin' there in high school, my school
And Michael was a moonbeam maker
And Michael was a moonbeam maker

I was a diesel fixer, fixed a diesel, diesel fixed me
What a weasel, oh no
Baby was a workshop owner
Baby was a workshop owner

Baby and me were ripe for the pickin'
That was the day we ran into Albert Flasher

------ lead guitar ------

I was a workshop owner in the gulch for the people
And I offered myself to the world
I was a workshop owner
I was a workshop owner
I was a workshop owner

Boy.

The things I'v forgotten..