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Post new topic Have a hearty laugh..or at least a few smiles!
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Author Topic:  Have a hearty laugh..or at least a few smiles!
Robert Thomas

 

From:
Mehama, Oregon, USA
Post  Posted 6 Jan 2021 12:59 pm    
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My goal for 2020 was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.

Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza.... OK, I ate a pizza! Are you happy now?

***How to prepare Tofu:
a. Throw it in the trash
b. Grill some meat, chicken or fish


I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.


I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.


A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.


***Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.


***Senility has been a smooth transition for me.



***Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero outside they closed school? Yeah, Me neither.


I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.



I love approaching 80, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.



A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.



***I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.


Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.



***Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.



It’s weird being the same age as old people.


When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.


Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.


Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.


It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.


Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?


Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.


Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember…Don’t sing!






***If 2020 was a math word-problem: If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?






***I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.






So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?






***If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will



***I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.






***Cronacoaster: noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you’re loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don’t even like.






I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.






Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.






***I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.






I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.






At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity? As in: “That’s a load of 2020.” or “What in the 2020.” or “abso-2020-lutely.”






***You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.






***We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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Jerry Overstreet


From:
Louisville Ky
Post  Posted 6 Jan 2021 1:12 pm    
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😍😉😉😉
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Daniel Stinnett

 

From:
Arizona, USA
Post  Posted 6 Jan 2021 1:33 pm    
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Good stuff. Thx for the laughs.
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Jeff Garden


From:
Center Sandwich, New Hampshire, USA
Post  Posted 6 Jan 2021 2:34 pm    
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An entire page of describing my day to day life, Robert - well done!

I had to get an IRS Form 1099 from the bank to do my taxes last year. I walked up to the Customer Service desk and had a complete brain dump. The girl was so patient with me as I finally "remembered" and announced I hadn't received my L-1011 Form yet. She told me she wasn't familiar with that one but she would see if she could put me in touch with someone who knew about it. She was typing away on her computer when the needle finally dropped on my internal turntable and I suddenly realized an L-1011 was an airliner!
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