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Author Topic:  Walks into a bar...
Tom Wolverton


From:
San Diego, CA
Post Posted 16 May 2014 6:42 am     Reply with quote

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender eyes them and says "Well...I guess you can stay. But don't start anything. "
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Rick Collins


From:
Claremont , CA USA
Post Posted 16 May 2014 9:37 am     Reply with quote

...zebra walks into a bar.
Bartender:
"Well, I can understand the long face; one's attire can set one's mood.
You gotta' get rid of that suit."
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Alan Brookes


From:
Brummy living in the San Francisco Bay Area
Post Posted 16 May 2014 9:51 am     Reply with quote

A drunk mistakenly walks into the pet shop next door to the bar, points to the turtles and says, "I'll have another one of those meat pies, but not so crusty this time..."
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Tom Wolverton


From:
San Diego, CA
Post Posted 16 May 2014 4:15 pm     Reply with quote

A sub-atomic particle walks into a bar. The bartenter looks at him with suspicion and says " Hey, no electrons in here. Scram"

The particle says "Hey, I'm not an electron"

The bartender says " You sure look like one. Are you sure you're not an electron?"

The particle says "I'm positive!"
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Tom Margulies


From:
Oregon, USA
Post Posted 16 May 2014 8:02 pm     Reply with quote

Man walks into a bar and says..... ouch
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Larry Baker


From:
Columbia, Mo. U.S.A.
Post Posted 17 May 2014 5:19 am     Reply with quote

2 blonds walked into a bar, you would have thought the second one would have seen it!!!!
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Ollin Landers


From:
Chapel Hill, NC
Post Posted 17 May 2014 5:44 am     Reply with quote

A priest, rabbi, and Methodist minister walk in to a bar.

The bar tender says "is this some kind of joke"
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“I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.”
― W.C. Fields
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Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post Posted 17 May 2014 7:30 am     Reply with quote

Click Here

And Click Here
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Rick Collins


From:
Claremont , CA USA
Post Posted 17 May 2014 11:11 am     Reply with quote

I walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "I'll have a double."
The bartender brought out a guy that looked just like me.
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Rick Collins


From:
Claremont , CA USA
Post Posted 17 May 2014 11:15 am     Reply with quote

W.C. Fields walks into a bar and begins chatting with the bartender:
"I started drinking because of a woman and have not had the decency to thank her."
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Ed Heins


From:
Ohio, USA
Post Posted 18 May 2014 10:29 am     Reply with quote

A piece of rope walks into a bar. The bartender says
"Hey we don't serve rope in here. You have to leave." The rope steps outside, messes up his hair and goes back in. The bartender says "Don't you understand? We don't serve rope in here." The rope says "I'm a frayed knot!"
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Lee Baucum


From:
McAllen, Texas (Extreme South) The Final Frontier
Post Posted 28 Mar 2018 4:39 am     Reply with quote

A ham sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve food here."
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Alan Brookes


From:
Brummy living in the San Francisco Bay Area
Post Posted 28 Mar 2018 9:22 am     Reply with quote

I walk up to the bar. A drunk at the next seat asks me, "Have you done your chores?"
"What chores?" I respond.
"That's very nice of you," he says, "I'll have a double bourbon and my friend Charlie here will have the same."


Last edited by Alan Brookes on 28 Mar 2018 2:36 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Alan Brookes


From:
Brummy living in the San Francisco Bay Area
Post Posted 28 Mar 2018 9:28 am     Reply with quote

Bigfoot walks into a bar. "I'll have a beer", he says.
The bartender, thinking that this big stupid animal can't count says, "Yes sir, that will be $50."
He pays the barman and gets his drink.
While he's sipping it down a saloon girl comes over to him.
"So it's true, you guys do exist after all. How come we never see Bigfeet here?"
"At fifty bucks a pint I'm not surprised," says he.
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Bill McCloskey


Post Posted 28 Mar 2018 9:40 am     Reply with quote

Angry dog walks into a bar: "I'm looking for the guy that shot my paw."
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Bill McCloskey


Post Posted 28 Mar 2018 9:45 am     Reply with quote

Mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender tells him to get out. 'But why? I'm a fun-guy"
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Ollin Landers


From:
Chapel Hill, NC
Post Posted 10 Apr 2018 5:37 am     Reply with quote

A giraffe walks in to a bar and says. "Hey fellas today the highballs are on me"
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― W.C. Fields
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Godfrey Arthur


From:
Philippines
Post Posted 10 Apr 2018 7:10 pm     Reply with quote


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ShoBud The Pro 1
YES it's my REAL NAME!
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Don R Brown


From:
Rochester, New York, USA
Post Posted 15 Apr 2018 6:50 am     Reply with quote

Godfrey Arthur wrote:



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Don R Brown


From:
Rochester, New York, USA
Post Posted 25 Apr 2018 4:28 pm     Reply with quote

A weasel walks into a bar.

"Wow!" says the bartender. "In all my years tending bar, I've never had a weasel stop in. What can I get you?"

"Pop" goes the weasel.


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