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Post new topic Scottish Humor
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Author Topic:  Scottish Humor
Don Kona Woods


From:
Hawaiian Kama'aina
Post Posted 4 Jan 2017 12:53 pm     Reply with quote

An Arab Sheikh was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery,
but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have
some of his blood type stored in case the need arose.

As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood
that couldn't be found locally, the call went out
around the world.

Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same rare
blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated
his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a new
BMW, a diamond necklace for his wife, and
$100,000 US dollars in appreciation for
the blood donation.

A few months later, the Arab had to undergo
a corrective surgery procedure.

Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman
who this time was more than happy to donate
his blood.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the
Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of
Quality Street chocolates.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did
not reciprocate his kind gesture as he
had anticipated.

He then phoned the Arab and asked him:
"I thought you would be more generous than that.
The last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and
money, but this time you only sent me a lousy
thank-you card and a lousy box of chocolates?"

To this the Arab replied: " Aye laddie, but
I now have Scottish blood in me veins".
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Archie Nicol


From:
Ayrshire, Scotland
Post Posted 4 Jan 2017 4:29 pm     Reply with quote

How do you sink an American submarine?
Knock on the door.

Arch.
_________________
I'm well behaved, so there!
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Mike Spieth


From:
Santa Fe, New Mexico
Post Posted 18 Jan 2017 1:25 pm     Reply with quote

A Scotsman goes into the apothecary, puts a beat-up and torn condom on the counter, and asks "How much for a new one?" The druggist says "Fifty pennies." He then asks "How much to repair it?" The reply is "Forty pennies." The Scotsman picks up the condom and leaves.

An hour later he returns, puts the condom on the counter and announces "The boys and I have decided to have it repaired."
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Jim Cohen


From:
Philadelphia, PA
Post Posted 18 Jan 2017 1:30 pm     Reply with quote

Eeeeuuuwww...! Whoa!
_________________

www.JimCohen.com
www.BeatsWalkin.com
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Mike Spieth


From:
Santa Fe, New Mexico
Post Posted 18 Jan 2017 1:55 pm     Reply with quote

Jim, that was pretty much the audience reaction when I heard Garrison K. tell it on Prairie Home Companion!
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Don R Brown


From:
Rochester, New York, USA
Post Posted 18 Jan 2017 2:17 pm     Reply with quote

Mike, I'd tell that one to my wife but it might rubber the wrong way.
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John Peay


From:
Cumming, Georgia USA
Post Posted 18 Jan 2017 3:31 pm     Reply with quote

How much can a Scotsman drink? ...Any given amount.
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Archie Nicol


From:
Ayrshire, Scotland
Post Posted 18 Jan 2017 4:30 pm     Reply with quote

Cheers, John. You're too kind.



Arch.
_________________
I'm well behaved, so there!
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